Thursday, November 25, 2010


Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving. God is so gracious and His mercies are new every morning. I am so thankful for my sweet little ones that run around my feet, give great bear hugs, tell me how thankful they are for the Bible and The Gospel, God and Jesus, keep me laughing and keep me striving to seek out and love the Lord and teach them everyday about our Savior who loves them beyond their imagination. I pray He will use each of them intentionally for His kingdom as they grow. They already teach me more about having childlike faith and minister to me daily.
I am thankful for my marriage. I am thankful that we can raise our children together and we aren't separate this Thanksgiving and our children aren't being shuttled around between the two of us. I am thankful for a year of sorrow and pain that has led us to growth and freedom in our marriage. For a husband who shows up and expresses his disappointments, fears, hopes and dreams to me and that I am sober today to listen and engage him. I love him. I really do. We have walked through the fiery furnace and we have both paid consequences in huge ways for our sins, but ultimately we can say "God is good" and He knows how much we can bear. His mercy NEVER ends and his steadfast love endures through out the ages even to ragamuffins like us. We only have today, this moment, and we can only be grateful for another day of sobriety! And that we both are.
A little update on our marriage recovery....We are now walking with a couple, Suzanne and Paul Tally ( who we meet with 3 hours a week and talk to everyday. They believe that your own recovery is important, but so is your recovery TOGETHER as a couple. When two are joined together in marriage Christ ultimately sees you as ONE flesh, so it is important to come together and work recovery together for your marriage. It has been amazing and we have already seen so many truths and revelations about each other and ourselves. As I have stated before the quote I love, "He has made us fruitful in the land of our affliction." His promises are true and He is restoring and redeeming. To not cherry coat it and make it all sound wonderful, the honest truth is that it is hard and painful. It is healing though. We are rebuilding our marriage from the foundation up. The old is gone and the new is coming. Some days are better than others, some days I have peace and some days I have angst in my soul I can't shake, but I have faith on the those days that God is moving, working and restoring. We would not be here without Him. God is all, or He is nothing. Today I can cling to He is ALL...Praise be His name!
Side rid myself of self-pity, angst, chaos, whenever I am just plain hurting, making a gratitude list on paper always helps show me see His love and faithfulness for me. Today I am grateful and know the story of my life is mapped out. I can trust and rest in the fact He knows me and loves me and seeks me out to console and help me to rest in the shadow of His wings!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

9 Years....

It's easy to get excited about all the anniversaries we have in our life and celebrate. We both have been sober for a year and that 1 year anniversary was cherished. Our sobriety was something we both had wanted for so long and yet felt it was impossible. But then we both stood in front of fellow broken sinners and picked up our celebration chips and people celebrated with us, congratulated us, love us, and supported us.....Our two boys are about to have birthdays and we are trying to plan a party to celebrate their lives... to let them know they are special to us and we are grateful for them.

But how does OUR anniversary get so overlooked? How does the anniversary of the day we took our vows 9 years ago now, become just another day? I don't want my marriage to be just another day..... I want to celebrate that my wife stood by me when no one else would. When she had every reason to run, she stood by about celebration. What person could have endured the past 9 years with someone like me, after I have done what I have done? She should be celebrated, and anyone reading this should celebrate with me the fact that she decided to do what God said do and not what man said. And she decided to fight for her children, and not leave them with a broken home. She's anything but a black sheep, she's a hero! I hope tomorrow I can make her feel celebrated!

I look at how Paul was treated, and how he was stoned, thrown in to prison, and beaten multiple times, and he never stopped singing praises. For anyone who has walked with Suzanne over the past year, you have seen joy, contentment, and her singing praises.... still not sure how.

So what now? I really don't know... but I do know how wonderful it feels to be honest with my wife. To be exposed and loved despite it. (A small taste of the love Christ shows us every day) And to be 100% on her team. Fighting with her, and for her as best as I can. I don't know how she survived the past 9 years with me, but I I have real hope for a better next 9 years, and many more to follow.

I don't deserve it, I don't know how I got it, but there are no other words to describe it other than Amazing Grace (this song was sung at our wedding, how ironic)

Happy Anniversary!