Wow! It's been so long. I forgot what this blog even looked like. I am blessed and healing and free and happy and trusting and good. Really, I am. I tend to write more when I am trapped "in my head" so to say and discontent, in a rut. That is why it's been so silent. Things have been going really well and I get that it is all God's grace and also continual surrender, daily.
The fight with alcohol has died down. I feel that war, for now, is done. The urge to drink has been completely lifted and I can honestly say I can't think of the last time I thought drinking would be a good idea. Praise. The. Lord. Two years ago I was baffled by this sin, felt as though it was way above me ever recovering from, and I was trapped in delusion. Thank God he has gently, slowly guided me out from that path.
Today, my character defects are ever before me and I sort through things about myself I need to hang onto and things about myself that need to be released. I am free to see myself as a child dearly, dearly loved by my Creator. For years I could tell you that in theory and quote Bible verses about it, but when it FINALLY sank into the depths of my soul- wow- I finally get it. It has moved to my heart and I have had multiple spiritual awakenings. I think about God a lot, which is a miracle bc two years ago I thought clearly only about myself and alcohol. I live with hope of heaven, I don't deny sadness and feelings of loneliness. I acknowledge, embrace, grieve and cling to Jesus. My passion, when I was in the throes of addiction, were strong. I felt a longing for heaven and that all was not well in the world. This has not changed. I now know what to do about it though and run to a Savior that will hold me and whisper to me until I am out of the valley.
From the beginning of time God had a story. So many people want to run from theirs instead of embrace it. When you are truly free and get that you are God's child, that He writes your story and everything- good and bad- is for your good. You will be free. I am free and know that whatever storms blow my way will be for my good and I know He will be there for me. I am not alone. I can't wait to meet Him. To see His face, to see this God who whispers daily into the depths of my soul, who has performed many miracles in my life and others.
Thank you Lord Jesus for your passion for me, your forgiveness of my many sins and your every day faithfulness to me in even the little things. To YOU be all the glory, praise and honor. Today I stand before you grateful for never giving up on me, for showing me blessings in the valley, for walking with me through the valley and for giving me courage to carry on. Please come quickly and until then may I remember YOU are the way, the truth and the life. Without you I am nothing and eternity is what matters. May I dismiss the burdens and trials through-out my days in this sin ridden world. I am grateful to have a Savior who picks me up, A God who is mighty and a Lord who has total control of each detail of my life. Amen