Tuesday, June 7, 2011


It's been a while... I am good, my marriage is more than great, but I feel a longing, an emptiness still. This I have learned is my longing for heaven and to be in true communion with God. I desire God when the storm's and tempest roll. When life is calm and all is well, how quick I forget my need. The everyday chaos of life with children would make one think I would be on my face asking for His mercy and grace every morning, but I don't. Discontentment and looking at the world as "this is it!" sets in and I forget the Valley and the God who led me out of it. My best friend reminded me tonight, as I was discussing my ever so absent spiritual life, how much we are like the Israelites. God is right there watching, waiting for me to remember. Hoping I remember my darkest night, when hope, at it's best, was a tiny flicker. Remember my days of bondage to alcoholism and how I couldn't wait to feed my addiction and how I have been set free. Instead I build other alters to worship and try to find my happiness in other things. I search for the right paint colors, a new pillow, cute kids clothes, which is not bad, but when my joy and desire for these things rises above my desire for the one who made me and can breathe real life into this shell of a women...then my life is meaningless and empty.
My prayer for the coming day tomorrow is... to have God filtered into all my conversations, spend time reading his word and to pray on my hands and knee's as if I was still in my valley. To make a gratitude list and to be aware and intentional in my relationship with Him. I do not want to walk another valley anytime soon, I know there are plenty ahead, but I want to sing with joy and to worship the One true God who is worthy of my praise on good or bad days. Great is His faithfulness. He has never left me. I long for a spiritual awakening. For a filled soul with a Big, Huge God. For his glory to shine in and through me with those I come in contact with through-out the day tomorrow. For it will all burn one day and paint colors are nice, pillows can make a room pop, clothes are fun to shop for, but at the end of the day it just doesn't bring you life. May I be ever mindful of my little alters and how shabby they are in comparison with my Prince of Peace.

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