Early in recovery my husband came home and shared with me something he had learned at a recovery meeting. Since then we have discussed it many times and it impacted him and has impacted me. From an early age we are taught "these people are okay", and "these people are not okay". I remember specifically my parents saying in hushed voices "Oh their divorced" or "Oh she has many struggles" and then to the flip side of "Oh they are great, great kids, great family" and "THEY have it together". So from on early age I begin to think certain people had it all together and certain people did not. This way of thinking was ingrained in me and I for sure knew I did NOT have it all together and I was the one who was not "okay"...my husband on the flip side thought he was the one in the relationship who managed his life better and most everyone affirmed his belief, he was "okay", if his wife would only get "okay". SO here is what was a revelation to him that he shared with me and we both try to live in the bottom reality of we nor anyone is free of struggles and "okay".
Belief System in 4 realms....
First- I am okay/You're okay
Second- I am not okay/You're okay
Third- I am okay/ You're not okay
Fourth- We are all not okay!!!
Not only is this recovery material, but it is Gospel material. No one is "okay", if they were we wouldn't have needed Jesus. So many people in my Al Anon groups I go to speak of how they came there to figure out how to make their loved ones "okay", but after time and through the steps they learn how they are not "okay" and how delusional their belief systems have been. It is such a freeing place to come to the end of yourself and your screwed up view of others as well as yourself.
So lately I have been hanging out with people who are obviously not "okay" and with people who I always thought were "okay". God has really revealed to me the people who I would have been so blind to their struggles and crosses are not "okay" nor do they have it together. It is freeing not to live below or above someone else, but in the real reality of... you are Abba's child and so are they. Their struggles may not be yours, but it doesn't mean they are free of them.
Update: I am doing great. Really feeling and seeing the fruits of meetings for 1.5 years and my relationship with the Lord is real and authentic and I feel Him everywhere and in everything I do. I am grateful for His grace in granting me His presence.
Marriage is on the upswing. More healing, more trust as we slowly, slowly walk the road to restoration.