Monday, February 7, 2011

Stirrings of the Soul

Happy Monday! It is early and I have been up way before the sun. My spirit is being stirred, I know it's a good thing, but it doesn't feel like one. An attempt from Satan to drive the feeling of anxiousness and being unsettled, but it is making me turn to God, spend time in His word and pray. I want some serenity, but not feeling it right now. I was in a funk yesterday. My brain was spinning and I felt irritable and discontent. I went to bed early. God is slowly and graciously showing me my selfishness and co-dependency and I don't like to look at my sin, who does... Things this week made me aware of how others affect me- good and bad- and how I constantly still seek approval from men. I don't like this.
Laying in bed in the wee hours of the morning and being made aware of these defects I had a vision of God before me with light surrounding me in a circle. That is the "hula hoop" I want to abide and remain in, but it is hard to stay there in His Presence. In the presence of the One who made, formed and guides my every step. I am reminded of the three A's when looking upon my defects Awareness, Acceptance and Action. I am in the acceptance place. I am well aware of these defects, am slowly starting to get to the place of where I accept them and am seeking God on now the Action to take. It's a hard place to be and a good place. As my husband put it, "once I think I really understand and am close to God I look up and there are so many more levels". I guess in church terms that is called Santification. God continues to work out my salvation and it is good.

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