I had an amazing Christmas brunch with some old friends who have impacted me through-out the years. We got on the subject of blogging and how each felt like their lives weren't interesting enough to blog. I encouraged them to do it for themselves. Whether people read this or not it is therapy for me and my soul and I know that most people would consider this blog boring or maybe inspiring, but either way it doesn't matter. I enjoy it and it is good for me to look back and to be able to see growth.
After they left one friend emailed me blogs she read and how she felt like a failure and hers would not compare. I feel like God has taught me so much through recovery and I was able to share my thoughts in return.... When we place ourselves on the top of the heap or the bottom, both are egotistical. The latter is just pride in reverse. Neither are the Gospel. I have lived in both of these realms. The bottom for sure always felt the most comfortable. Through kind friends, mentors and counselors over the years I have really been able to grasp I am a little of both--a saint and a jackass. When we put ourselves down we are not grasping the gospel, when we build ourselves up we are not grasping the Gospel. Any good we do comes straight from God and the bad in all of us are because we were born into a fallen world with sin in our hearts that only Jesus can save us from. We ALL have it, whether your an addict or not.
The Bible doesn't have a lot to say about people who had white picket fences and had their life "together", if anything he slams those people (Pharisee's) far more harder than the people who don't have it together. David had an affair and murdered a man, yet was called a man after God's own heart. Peter denied Jesus three times, and all the others who constantly failed. I am grateful today to grasp the Gospel in a tangible way and no longer live on the bottom which is clear to me was extremely prideful in a different way.
Thank you for Jesus. The rescue for sinners. The ransom from heaven. Jesus Messiah. Lord of ALL!!!