Part of being humble is saying to God that I don't have the answers, so why don't I just shut up! This is very hard for me. I don't know how to walk this way, but I do know it's the right path and I really desire right in my life instead of the path I have been walking.
When I finally opened my eyes and was able to begin to see my life through sober eyes, I felt pain. All I wanted to do was fix this pain, to fix what I have done, and "I" was going to get myself well. I was seeing 3 counselors, going to 2 churches, going to Celebrate Recovery 2 nights a week, going to a men's sex addiction group on 1 night and community group on another. But what I wasn't doing was letting myself heal. At some point you have to let what you are doing take it's toll. It's not going to happen quickly. It's taken me 30+ years to get here, it's going to take time to heal. I would love to say I came to this conclusion on my own because I am still prideful, but my sponsor helped me realize this. A good sponsor has been critical in this healing process and I have an incredible one!
My point! For the past 90 days (been sober for 90 days today, picking up my chip tonight) I have been doing everything "I" can to get sober. To Heal.... it's time to Let Go and Let God! I want God to be in control of my life and I want to surrender to His will... it's not easy....