Friday, April 16, 2010

Something is just a little different today...

I fell flat on my face again yesterday and did something stupid and hurt my wife tremendously. My intentions were so good and I tried to do the right thing, but I fell flat on my face..... but something Eli (Bethesda leader) told me was that we do fall on our faces sometimes, and something to the extent of we have skid marks on our face. But the truth is I am running the race and I am trying to recover from this painful life I have lived, but I am running, running to my savior who's arms are open wide waiting for me, wanting to affirm me, wanting to love me, waiting for me, and I am running.... I have skid marks on my face from falling down so much, but I am running...

The little something that is different today is I am not as panicked as usual. Before I would think the sky is falling, my wife is upset and the sky is falling, I screwed up and there is NO WAY I am going to be able to make up for this one... but today, I stood up, wiped the dust and blood off, and said it's going to be ok...just get up and let's keep going...

Why am I in so much pain... just writing this brings me to tears... but why? I was not abused, I had a safe life growing up, I have a comfortable life, but why does it hurt so bad? Is this a good pain? So much to figure out?!?!? So much to learn... but today, I got back up.. and today I will start running again... the race is not over for me...

-C

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