Well, for the past 3 days I have been dealing with anger and a profound sadness. How could he do this to me and our children? I am tired. I am hurting and have no emotional reserve. I say things trying to shame him and I still can not wrap my head around it all. I feel like it is a bad nightmare that I am wanting to wake up from. Our family will never be the same, I am not sure we even can grasp the aftermath of destruction that this has left and will leave imprinted on each of us forever, needless to say the other women and their children and families. Grace and mercy aren't in my vocabulary right now, the only grace I have is that he is still living in our house. That is about it.
I pray for better days, for this load to feel lighter. Right now it is crushing my soul and I want relief. I need to pray, I haven't been. I need to pray for serenity and I need to pray for rest and leave the rest to God. He is my rock and my fortress, my deliverer and my stronghold. I need to remember this daily.
In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. Psalm 62:7