Thursday, December 10, 2009

Grace and Mercy

There is nothing else that can describe the way I feel when I walk into my home. My broken home that I have wrecked.

Even as I sit here trying to think about what to type, all I can think about is I want to write something that everyone will like. Well, needless to say, my sexual addiction is just the scab of this terrible wound that is now gaping wide open. It's very hard to make it through the days. I am not a beautiful writer, so all I can do is let you into my heart by telling you how I am feeling.

I think the biggest feeling is shame. My new counselor (3rd one in 3 months) said we need to work on this. Most of the tears come when I tell myself that, "I don't want to be me anymore." A few months ago, I would have said that, "Yes, God loves me, of course." Now all I can feel is how can God love someone like me. I know these are Satan's lies, but right now they are ringing loud in my ear.

A few days ago my wife told me she loved me, I fell apart. How? I lied to my wife for so long because I didn't think she could handle it. She is far stronger than I ever gave her credit for. I hear this as a resounding theme with Sex Addicts in my groups, that they were afraid to tell their wives because they didn't think they would still love them. It's time to give them credit. It's time to let God use our wives to show us Grace and Mercy..........


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